I’m sitting here and listening to my ipod, and I can’t think straight. my head is spinning, and it won’t stop. i finally found a place where i can hide my thoughts without a certain person reading them. god, it’s pathetic that i had to block him once again.
That’s besides the point. I had read a blog written by one of my favorite aussies, and she described how much her mother is a bigot. You and I share so much in common. I was DMing rosyred on twitter, and i let her into my private blog on Xanga.
It basically tells what happens living with my parents. How back in December how I was doing the dishes, and during the time I was dating my ex (douchebag) and I had to get off of the phone, and themother hit me. She screamed profanities, and in the end thefather defended her.
He basically stood there, and I told him my side. I did hit her back, because I am tired of the abuse, and all of her bullshit, and so basically I found it fit to defend myself. I got lectured of course.
Because I was on my phone which I was paying, and she was drunk, and I guess it bothered her from her stupor, and program. God, I hate that fucking tv, and more importantly I hate her. I love her because she is my mother, I get that. But, I don’t have to necessarily like her.
The way I see it, I’m a fucking statistic. Somebody once told me “I think they wanted a boy”. It’s really sad when I hear it like that. I’m the youngest out of five, and I’m the only girl. why don’t I deserve the love I need?
Why do I settle? It plagues me, and eventually I’ll move away and I won’t have to deal with their bullshit. I hate this feeling so much. It hurts. I just wish I had answers to why they raised me the way they did.
Why do I keep hitting myself with this fucking hammer? Because it feels so damn good when I stop.