blednutí růže

I’m sitting here and listening to my ipod, and I can’t think straight. my head is spinning, and it won’t stop. i finally found a place where i can hide my thoughts without a certain person reading them. god, it’s pathetic that i had to block him once again. 

That’s besides the point. I had read a blog written by one of my favorite aussies, and she described how much her mother is a bigot. You and I share so much in common. I was DMing rosyred on twitter, and i let her into my private blog on Xanga.

It basically tells what happens living with my parents. How back in December how I was doing the dishes, and during the time I was dating my ex (douchebag) and I had to get off of the phone, and themother hit me. She screamed profanities, and in the end thefather defended her.

He basically stood there, and I told him my side. I did hit her back, because I am tired of the abuse, and all of her bullshit, and so basically I found it fit to defend myself. I got lectured of course.

Why?

Because I was on my phone which I was paying, and she was drunk, and I guess it bothered her from her stupor, and program. God, I hate that fucking tv, and more importantly I hate her. I love her because she is my mother, I get that. But, I don’t have to necessarily like her.

The way I see it, I’m a fucking statistic. Somebody once told me “I think they wanted a boy”. It’s really sad when I hear it like that. I’m the youngest out of five, and I’m the only girl. why don’t I deserve the love I need?

Why do I settle? It plagues me, and eventually I’ll move away and I won’t have to deal with their bullshit. I hate this feeling so much. It hurts. I just wish I had answers to why they raised me the way they did.  

Why do I keep hitting myself with this fucking hammer? Because it feels so damn good when I stop. 

sarkastickunt:

But….He didn’t mean it.

But….He’s really tired.

But….She has a lot on her mind.

But….She always says sorry after.

But….He asked me to give him some space.

But….She doesn’t know how to express her anger.

But….He hates it when I interrupt.

But…Underneath he’s a really good person.

ANYTHING after the word BUT is BULLSHIT.

Remember that.

I’m here for you.

I want you to know when things aren’t going your way, try and smile for me. when things are getting rough, remember i’m right around that corner, i’m here for you. when you think nobody understands you, i do; i’m that shoulder to lean on, and my sleeve will be your tissue. when you think you cannot push on any farther, my love and support will push you up right. when you need to cuddle, i’m there to hold you. when you are weak and cannot stand tall, i’ll carry you. when nobody is around, i’m here for you. to those lonely nights you have so many of, just remember i’m just a phone call away.


I hope you never look back, and you never forget, all the ones who love you, in the place you left, I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,  and you help somebody every chance you get, Oh, you find God’s grace, in every mistake, and always give more then you take.